I love this sketch of me done by David Bamberg at today's talk!

I’ve had a great time today speaking to a group of business people in Magnolia, Texas about Rerferral Marketing and Relationship Bulding. The group meets at a place called Main Street Crossing with a HUGE projection screen and capacity for 200 people – a really nice venue. Being mid-summer and odd weather we had a moderate-sized but very responsive group.

As is often the case, the most interesting conversations occurred after the meeting. Several of us were sitting around getting an early lunch and talk turned to whether protected categories are a benefit or a detriment to networking groups.  To be totally honest I was a bit surprised myself by the candor with which I was taking the anti-protection position.  I’ve long held the opinion that having categories within relationship building (networking) groups fundamentally diminishes the potential of the organization and its benefit to members. I suspect that brushing up my presentation these last few days and then delivering it today had focused my mind on the need for abundance thinking and paying it forward. The very idea of establishing barriers to social intercourse through position exclusivity seems totally wrong headed.

What do you think? Closed categories  or open – which is better? Why?

1. Don’t spam
2. Listen
3. Be generous

Notice something about this list: with the smallest amount of tweaking these rules apply for just about any social setting in any age. They can be pretty much summed up with the simple phrase “behave yourself.”

Social Correspondence

Don’t Spam

Make your contributions appropriate to the conversation.  Whether you are at a cocktail party,  a business mixer, the neighborhood BBQ, or online, be considerate of other people’s time and feelings. No one cares for the self-centered, self-promoting blow-hard who has to outshine every other light in the room.

Listen

Remember these old adages:

Two ears, one mouth. Use them in that proportion.

Samson killed 1,000 Philistines with the jawbone of an ass. Every day sales are killed the same way.

If you aren’t listening, you aren’t learning.

Be Generous

Another adage, made famous by Zig Ziglar: “You can have everything you want in life if you just help enough people get what they want.”

You don’t have to give away the farm, but it doesn’t hurt to help the hungry when you have bounty to share.  In my sales training days we used to teach that professionals who solve their clients’ problems before they become clients tend not to have clients. We called it “unpaid consulting.”   I still think that is largely true. But I’ve tempered my thinking over the years with the realization that when you give away vast amounts of your expertise or deliver at low price points (for relatively low time investment) people will pay a premium for the best you have to offer.

I liken this to the endcap samples at the superstore where you can graze on a Sunday and practically have lunch for free but you end up leaving the store with two or three items that you did not intend to purchase. Because someone was confident enough to deliver free samples, you left with the whole package and will likely come back for more.

Generosity pays, besides just being the right thing do to.

All of these principles  are as valid today as they were in the 1890′s. They just have more leverage and momentum now, which means transgressions are punished with brutal swiftness.

He was engaged in quiet repose in a large pot in our garden that I intend to fill with caladiums, and while I would normally have headed swiftly indoors, perhaps to the accompaniment of a subtle squeak of alarm, I decided this time – I made no commitment to more than just this time – I would get close enough for a talk and a photo.

I let him know how attractive I thought him … very like one of my cats, whose tabby coloring is so like his own. After a time, I let him know that I would be leaving him to the rest of his morning in privacy, but would look forward to seeing him again.

The lizard, of course, is not inclined to a fixed address, but we shared an unexpectedly pleasant few moments together.

The real key here was my decision not to be afraid of him so that he would not be afraid of me. No preconceptions. No expectations. No stress.

Something to remember with people, too, I believe.

You just never know who you might meet!